Formation vs. Training: Build the Strength to Carry Your Vows
PHASE 3: COMMAND
Catholic men confuse formation with training.
The result? A slow spiritual and physical collapse at home.
Let’s clarify:
Formation is conferred. Training is consented to.
Formation is sacramental. Training is sacrificial.
Formation is permanent. Training is daily.
The Sacraments form you: Baptism, Confirmation, and Holy Matrimony.
These sacraments impress eternal marks on your soul. They are permanent and immovable. But don’t get complacent; permanence isn’t the same as readiness. Are you ready or complacent?
Formation doesn’t sustain itself, your training does.
Formation without training is like building a fire at dawn and walking away. By midday, the coals are cold. There is nothing to cook, nothing to keep you and your family warm, and nothing to guard the night.
That’s your home when you take vows but refuse to train as a husband and father.
Why Catholic Husbands and Fathers Fail
“A man who flees from trials flees from God.” (Abba Moses)
Training takes your vows into the fire and forges them. Comfort doesn’t build your vows up.
Unfortunately, too many husbands and fathers believe the vow is the finish line. They think "I said I do" will somehow compensate for sloth, distraction, and emotional volatility.
But you don’t coast through vocation; you train to carry it. Training does three critical things:
Training disciplines your emotions so they don't drive your decisions.
Training stabilizes the home, even under pressure.
Training builds you into a Catholic steward, a man of peace, order, and fruitfulness.
Emotional Leadership Will Undermine Your Home
Here's what emotional leadership looks like:
I will move my family out of the city because of a 30-minute delay and a rough crowd at a burger joint.
That’s not discernment; that is impulse.
Training introduces space between emotion and action.
It lets you hear the Holy Spirit in the noise.
It keeps you from speaking pridefully to your wife.
It helps you walk your son through your neighborhood and notice beauty instead of resentment.
That’s the difference training makes. It introduces stability.
False Sovereignty Is Still Disobedience
You say:
"That's it—we're leaving the city." "I'm done." "We're moving. Period."
That’s not sovereignty but a performance of control.
Catholic sovereignty is rooted in obedience, and a man under Christ’s authority does not react like a storm.
He responds like a disciple. He listens, fasts, and sweats. He carries his cross on Tuesdays and trash bags on Thursdays.
Teach your mouth to say what is in your heart.” (Abba Poemen)
If your heart is full of wrath or restlessness, then you have to submit your words to the Cross.
The Synergy: Formation Anchors. Training Sustains.
You're protecting your vows when you support your formation with smart, disciplined training.
Formation says: You’re a Catholic husband and father.
Training asks: Are you living like one today?
Formation says: You’re under Mary’s mantle.
Training asks: Are you still there, or did you let yourself get distracted?
Formation says: You’re the head of your domestic church.
Training asks: Then why is the altar cold and the Word rarely spoken?
Build Your Rule of Life
Christ’s Sacraments, Mary’s Mantle, and Catholic consistency.
The Desert Fathers trained to be invisible and immovable, not impressive. That’s your goal: a quiet, ordered presence that doesn’t sway regardless of the conditions. Train until you don’t sweat hard conditions but welcome them. That’s when the fire is hot enough to forge peace. Formation is the altar, and your training is the fire.
Training Protocol:
Stop confusing what was given to you with what must be protected.
Begin your training.
Train. Observe. Repeat.
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Built in the Desert. Covered by Mary. Forged in Fire.
☩ Sans Peur
– Emmanuel